*  Discuss and formulate a vision for your wedding with your bride. There's no need to go into minutiae if you don't want to do so. Be sure to discuss what it is you want to highlight, priorities, taste, ambiance and things you don't want to see. Your wedding should reflect your values and interests as a couple.

*  Discuss your roles. Grooms are becoming more active in the planning process. Let her know if you want to be involved in all major decisions. Tell if you would like to play a major role in any specific aspect and divide tasks (e.g. music, catering, transportation, formalwear, honeymoon plans).

*  Discuss role of family in planning the wedding. How involved do you both want family members to be in the actual planning? It is helpful to delegate to family members important ceremonial duties (i.e. hosting, greeting, ushering, escorting, reading) or tasks such as hotel accommodations, follow-up with guests who have not responded, and transportation of things back home from the wedding.

*  Discuss finances and expenses. If parents will contribute, discuss their approach to planning and contributions. Is their contribution meant simply as a kind and helpful gift or will there be expectations or conditions attached? If the latter is the case, know exactly what those are and decide if that's something you can handle. Be clear about your expectations and approach to planning and decision-making.

*  Present a united front when dealing with family, friends or vendors.

*  Be open-minded. A wedding is a celebration so it is a great opportunity to be creative and make it unique. you don't have to use anyone else's formula. The more you follow your own, the more likely your wedding will be vividly remembered.

*  Understand that she will most likely need professional help planning your wedding. It is surprising the multitude of details and issues involved in planning from beginning to end that affect the actual day. You both have a busy work/school schedule and probably want to maintain some sense of normalcy in your social lives so this means that you will not have the time it takes to take care of everything efficiently. Be kind to yourselves - keep your stress level down. A wedding consultant who fits your personality is a great investment. Consultants will save you time, stress, uncertainty and recommend the best options and vendors for your budget. Other vendors (caterers, florists, etc.) do not have the time or experience to handle all aspects of planning from start to finish.

*  Enjoy your engagement - make a conscious effort to do non-wedding things together. It's easy to become immersed in details, but it's more important to remember the meaning of the occasion. Take a day trip somewhere, surprise her with a candlelit dinner, a weekend escape, a visit to the spa or yoga classes. This is especially important the week before your wedding. Stress causes tension and that's not conducive to wedding bliss, so find a way to have fun!

D O N ' T s

*  Procrastinate. Don't leave anything for the wedding day.

*  Let trivialities upset your mood on your wedding day. . . focus on your ravishing bride, enjoy the company of loved ones there for you, and take in the beauty that surrounds you.

*  Forget to make sure your bestman or bestperson knows how important it is that s/he remember to bring the rings. Your bride will stress out if missing rings throw the schedule off.

*  Party the night before or do something likely resulting in physical injury. Your pals are probably looking out for you and won't suggest anything like that anyway.

*  Choose ushers who are so shy or chatty they can't get the job done. Their job is essential to starting on-time.

*  Forget that this is teamwork between you, your bride, family, consultant and other vendors. Communication, courtesy and flexibility are the keys to a great experience and excellent work.